September 2011
2 posts
down & low, lower than the floor.
I feel so ashamed… so ashamed that I’ve let my myself stoop down to this level again. But, then I think, “why am I ashamed if what I fear is true?” If what i’m afraid of is what I discover, why do I feel so wrong for looking? I hate myself for letting it eat away at me inside, but I hate knowing that everything I fear is reasonable and probable. gvfrksvdelfrpns…...
August 2011
3 posts
Day II
one big room, full of bad bitches.
Today’s workout was good but kind of short-lived.
Shaved 20 seconds off my mile time… got it down to 10:40. It was steady between 11:00 - 11:30. woot.
after that I started losing stream quickly. ended up doing a total of 2 miles in 24 minutes (couldn’t make it to 30) for ~250 calories. somewhat depressing, but glad to have lost that 20...
baby steps
35 minutes on the Elliptical tonight. A little over 3 miles.
Mile I- 11 mins;
Mile II- 23 mins;
Mile III- somewhere around 31 or 32 mins.
Somewhere around 300 calories.
Man, I miss the old days. But… gotta start somewhere…. /sigh
July 2011
6 posts
stressed
horrible night. didn’t sleep well, tossed + turned, and woke up alone.
I just can’t wait to be his wife, and go to sleep next to him every night, and wake up to his face every morning. this is torture /=
oh well, here’s to the next 10 hours if non stop work.
empty material.
Name: Audrey Kuchinski
Gender: Female
Height: Five- Seven
Age: Twenty- One
Eye Color: Brown / Hazel
Hair Color: Brown / Blond / Copper
Smoking: Marlboro Menthol Smooth / Black & Mild: Wine
Drinking: Malibu & Coke / Heinekin / Dos XX / Vodka & Sprite
Drugs: No, thanks
Job: Dental Assistant
Education: Community College -__-
Fav. Sport: Volleyball
Fav. Color: Hot pink.
...
3 tags
we hit turbulence!
the fact that I can update Tumblr from my phone is pretty bitchin. the fact that I never have anything worth updating about… not so bitchin.
June 2011
3 posts
Changes
Started working out with the boy on Saturday 06/04/2011. I’m not expecting anything drastic— I know my body and I know my knee— but I just want to be able to look at myself and not be disgusted. So, here’s to making the effort.
April 2011
5 posts
grumble.
I have the most amazing man I could ever ask for. He tries to do everything he possibly can for me. I just wish I could physically be happy )=
He is risen.
Easter 2011 was chaotic and wonderful. I’m glad that the boy’s family is so warm and accepting… always makes the holidays a little more enjoyable knowing that you’re welcome.
On a more depressing note, went to the mall last night… Clothes shopping is enough to make me never want to leave the house again… I wish I could go for a run… This kills me.
and you can't breathe without coughing at daytime,...
… so what d’ya say? your coffin, or mine?
It feels like my head is about to explode and my lungs are going to collapse…. I hate being sick.
nobody knows the trouble I've seen...
That E*TRADE commercial with the baby singing that song reminds me of a Disney movie… I feel like its The Lion King… I don’t know.
Last night was my first night of getting off my ass and working out. I hardly did much, but I did sweat and my heart was a-pumpin. At least that’s a start. The weather is forecasted to be great this week so I’m hoping to do some biking....
"Happiness means never having to apologize for...
(The subject is a quote from Gretchen Rossi.)
Alright, I’m tired of being the fattest one in every circle of friends that I have.. I’m tired of complaining about it, I’m tired of seeing it and feeling like there is nothing I can do, I’m tired of it completely. I’m tired of sitting here listening to all of the fun and exciting athletic activities all of my friends...
January 2011
1 post
It's gonna be a good year...
“out of the darkness, and into the fire… I’ll tell you I love you.”
First post of 2011. Probably one of the few, knowing my track record at least. So many things are floating around in my head that could be typed out to read, but I know I will inevitably forget something. Hallelujah for editing, eh?
2010 was such a whirlwind of emotions and relationships…...
November 2010
3 posts
1 tag
Where do you want to be 10 years from now? (Not...
Ten years would put me at 31 in winter. Most importantly, I’d own my own home, and it would either be in the Carolinas or California… considering Germany’s a bit of a risk atm. I’d like to have a stable job, preferrably in Accounting and be fairly financially secure. Also, by 30 I’ll definitely be finished having kids (if we so choose to go down that path), married...
3am, hand on the wheel, drivin drunk, I'm doin my...
Watching Jackass, something I didn’t expect…. oh well. So many random thoughts in my head right now… dunno if I’d be able to convey them all through this on-screen keyboard.
Had somewhat of a scare yesterday… I’m glad I’ve got someone who will stand by me through anything. I doubt I’m ready for the future that could have been, but its comforting to...
seasons are changing, and waves are crashing...
“…and stars are shining all for us.”
I am strongly considering looking into online classes… probably through University of Phoenix. Working school in around my work schedule is such a tremendous hassle, and seeing as though I’m not financially situated enough to be able to live without working… a new solution must be found. I need to ask the people I know who use Phoenix how they...
October 2010
4 posts
maybe you were right...
Day 15: Something you never leave the house without.
Well, here are two things I always have with me when I walk out of the door:
My phone… yes, it does have the amazing blue zebra case. Baller, I know.
Clipped to my keys so if I get pulled over, I always have my license!
Tomorrow is Friday, hallelujah! (=
time has slipped away, and the memories fade...
“so, hey! what’s one more day?” Holy shit, I am behind! Let’s catch up:
Day 11: What’s in your make up bag?
lots of wet n wild eye make up, E.L.F. liquid eye liner / shadow primer, Covergirl Mascara.
Day 12: A photograph of the town you live in.
Classic Catonsville getting ready for the 4th of July (=
Day 13: Your favorite musician and why.
Andy McMahon....
c'mon down to South Park and meet some friends of...
So… took this from Serena. They always tend to amuse me :)
Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||||| 42% Schizoid |||||||||||| 46% Schizotypal |||| 14% Antisocial |||||||||||||| 58% Borderline |||||||||||| 42% Histrionic |||||| 30% Narcissistic |||| 14% Avoidant |||||||||| 38% Dependent |||||| 22% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||| 50%
Take Free Personality Disorder Test...
from the top to the bottom...
“…bottom to top I stop.”
Day 9: An image of something you recently purchased.
Since Serena took what I was going to post (MotoCliq), this would be the absolute most recent thing I purchased (aside from food… I’m sure none of you have the bandwith to view the amount of pictures I’d have to post for food I’ve purchased ;])
So far, I’m two chapters...
The day I finally get to leave this land...
“…behind the paint will be the shell of a used-up man.”
Day 7: Your dream wedding. I was never one to think about / plan out elaborate weddings or anything like that. I never even humored the concept of marriage… I’ve never liked it. (another rant for another time) But, I have recently been persuaded into slight consideration because someone I know is much more...
September 2010
22 posts
Where is your boy tonight?
“I hope he is a gentleman. Maybe you won’t find out what I know… you were the last good thing about this part of town.”
Day 5: Your favorite picture from two years ago.
Yep, and I know this is someone else’s favorite picture, too.
I miss being active… I miss it so much. Ugh, fuck my knee.
We could leave this town & run forever...
“… let your waves crash down on me & take me away.”
Day 3: Your idea of a perfect date.
This one is both tough, and simple. I don’t think there is just one plan for a perfect date… no specific chain of events or plans that need to be met in order for it to be a good time. I would just like to be picked up, get something to eat (that we both agree on), maybe...
you got me like oh-my-gosh, I'm so-in-love...
“…I found you, finally.”
Day 2: A picture of something you ate today— CHEEZ-IT(S). Originally, I was going to take a picture of the Kit Kat bar I had earlier while I was studying for my Biology exam, but I ended up forgetting and had thrown the wrapper away by the time I had remembered. So, this will have to do. I actually wasn’t intending to eat the Cheez-its, but...
(Insert Killers lyrics here)
Wow, I haven’t listened to “Hot Fuss” in a long-ass time. This is a great CD. I’m worried I may have blown out one or possibly two of my car speakers… either that or my hearing is started to go bad on me… (that would suck ass at only 20).
Craig brought up a point to me last night- “You’ve been using Craigslist a lot recently…” This is...
So long and goodnight
I never knew something so simple could upset me so much…
Logic makes me understand why you leave every night; why I have to let you go; why I have to sleep alone.
Emotions make the logic go away… they make me sad that I don’t have you to hold; sad that I don’t get to wake up in your arms; sad because I miss you.
I can’t wait until this is over, and I never have...
Your tears don't fall, they crash around me.
First post from a mobile device— Norman’s phone. Pretty neat.
I’m glad to find out that there is more than one person with an interest in the inner-workings of my mind… so, thanks to Erin, Serena, and Norman. You guys keep me on my writing game (=
Lately the weeks feel like they’ve been dragging by, the only thing that seems to get me through the weeks is knowing...
I stack my money, lay low, & chill.
“…no need to work hard, I feel, I feel, this is tha way I live.” I am starting to think that I am bi-polar in regards to Babies R Us. Some days I go in there and I can do my work and get out without having any troubles or second thoughts. Other days, as soon as I walk in, I’m ready to leave and have less than zero interest in being there. It is maddening sometimes....
where would I be, if it weren't for you baby?
sometimes I miss him so much that it drives me crazy. I spend the entire day with him, laying in his arms, cuddling, the works… then he goes to work and suddenly I don’t know what to do with myself. I know I’m luckly that missing him is my biggest problem; that I even have him to miss… but, whatever. I want him back, and I want to fall asleep in his arms, talking about our...
I hope you wait... so here I am, counting down the...
Day 8: Three Turn Ons
#1. Axe Kilo or Axe Phoenix. (Not bathed in, just lightly misted.. mmmhmmm…)
#2. Being able to hold a conversation.
#3. Being witty / sarcastic (but still able to joke).
laa la la la... wait 'til I get my money right.
Day 7: 4 Turn Offs.
#1. Being clingy. I’m very anti-clingy.
#2. Being wasted out of your brain.
#3. Talking during sex. (Yes, people actually try and have conversations…)
#4. Acting like your shit doesn’t stink. …I don’t wanna go to class. ;__;
Ah-- push it!
Day 6: 5 People Who Mean A Lot To You.
#1. Lauren F.
#2. Erin D.
#3. Norman H.
#4. Akeel A.
#5. Jessi K.
I thought that maybe I could find myself...
Day 5: 6 Things You Wish You’d Never Done. I wish I’d never… [#1] …turned 16. I cried on my 16th birthday because I thought I was getting too old and that my childhood was going to be gone forever… I was right about half of that… [#2] …torn my ACL. Life has BLOWN ever since then… I never fully appreciated how wonderful it is to have the ability to...
You're so cold keep your hand in mine...
Day 4: Seven Things That Cross Your Mind A Lot. #1. Volleyball.
#2. Do I have any homework?
#3. Ocean (Ocean City, Newport Beach, Huntington Beach, Miami Beach, etc.)
#4. Food.
#5. Money.
#6. Norman.
#7. …sex.
Going hiking today in Old Ellicott City with Norms… (=
You must obey the dance commander.
Day 3: 8 Ways To Win My Heart. #1. Be honest. I know it sounds cliche’, but apparently it’s pretty hard to do… I don’t care what you do, or what mistakes you make… I’d rather be angry at you for telling me the truth and knowing upfront than to be angry at you for not telling me anything and continuing to trust you only for it to have been a waste of my time....
I wanna save you... I need you, to save me too.
Day 2: 9 Things About You. #1. I’ve always had an interest in the medical field as a career. When I was little, I wanted to be a neurosurgeon… It always freaked out my parents and teachers because most elementary school kids want to be a police officer, doctor, firefighter, mailman, etc… things that are general. When I got to high school, my interest shifted to sports medicine...
And when it all comes down will you be there to...
I really hate this… I miss you so much and I just want to have my man by my side so I can get a good night’s sleep. I love you…
Day 1: 10 Things You Want To Say To 10 Different...
Guys:
#1. When I first met you in high school, I never seriously considered the possibilities of our future. I was never optimistic because I never thought I’d have the opportunity with you that I’ve gotten. I’ve never been happier to have taken the chance I took, and I am so glad that I’ve gotten to share so many experiences and time with you. I will always love you....
August 2010
1 post
California dreamin' on such a winter's day.
Holy shit, I haven’t made a post in… I’m not even sure how long. I know this post will at least please Serena and Erin, for they will now have a new story of sorts to read… at least until I get tired of keeping this up again. (so, no promises that this will be a permanent thing :p)
Summer will officially be over on Monday… total suck. Every year when we get to this...